Mopheaded Rides Again (and again and again and again...)

2004-12-25 - 12:54 p.m.

Countdown: 2 hours until I'm to be picked up for Xmas Day dinner.

Xmas eve was particularly uneventful; I worked at the restaurant, which I closed at 8 p.m. for lack of business. Made a whopping $15 in tips, although 8 of that came from a table of two girls who were an absolute joy, and who left my tip on the table in the form of a fiver folded into a little hat with a loonie and a twonie slipped into the folds. Joy!

Christmas Plans in the World of the Mophead

Tonight (Dec 25th) will be a huge turkey feast at my brother and sister-in-law's. The dead bird will have been free range, of course, which is fantastic because otherwise I wouldn't be able to gorge myself on the poor, slaughtered, serotonin-inducing slab of meat. So very excited. So long as the cranberries are homemade (and I can't imagine they'd be any other way) and the social lubricants are running a-plenty (Ibid.), my evening will be perfect.

I'm missing dinner at the home of the Boy with the Mandolin's parents because he forgot to invite me until yesterday, but hey! I get to drink with my turkey! He doesn't!!! Woot woot! Bailey’s and turkey! Rum and apple pie! Hooray for the secularization and bastardization of everything!

And so, for Boxing Day, I'm taking my brother's bitch-ass huge company pick-me-up truck (with his company gas card!) down to Innisfail in time for Mormon Temple Service with the Mandolin Boy and his still-religious family. Then, a quick drive back to the big E-town (maybe with two of his siblings, if they need a ride, maybe not -- door #2 invites so many more options in the whole 'sex-while-driving' field of thinking) in time for dinner with my family. First time he's met them. Can't decide which of us is more frightened, although I suspect it's myself.*

*As a side-point: When my parents finally met my Favourite Gay Boyfriend two months back, there was one topic which I asked them to avoid. Only one. And guess what mom brought up, after a couple glasses of tequila-and-grapefruit-juice punch?** "So, FGB, you and Mophead plan to have children?" It was probably the most (non-sexual) heterosexual moment of the poor man's life. We might as well have been sitting on the grand white front porch of a lovely plantation estate, sipping lemonade and discussing the exchange rate when our family's cornfields amalgamated.

**which is delicious, and we should all get drunk on it next Tuesday***

***and for those of you not 'in-the-know': next Tuesday is also a Fun Day in another way. It is officially (in my mind) the day during which ALL replies in conversation must begin with So Spake The Prophet.
e.g.: Store Clerk: Is that everything today, sir?
You: So spake the prophet. Yes, that will be all.
Etc. I stop the example there as I imagine that most conversations will be cut short when people begin to see you as a total crazy!!! JOY!!!

I am in love with footnotes today – hope you’re still with me. Lost yet? I am also in love with the word Joy. As you may have noticed.

Random points of thought (bitch loves the list-stylez):

1. How embarassing is it to have a playlist on iTunes called "Falling in Love Music" that, many would presume, would be fantastic music to get sexy to, only to have Inxs' 'Need You Tonight' pop up right as I'm about to come, forcing me to burst into outrageous, non-sexy**** giggles and reach desperately across the room to switch to the next track. What makes me think that song's hawt when I'm alone? I'm totally dating myself here.

****Which is somewhat bullshit; since I burst into giggles pretty randomly during sex all the time, most of my lovers just assume it's a good thing and I've probably just had an orgasm. Yep, they're trained well, slowly learning that giggles and sex go together like peanut butter and jam, like miso and those little bits of medium-hard tofu cut into your miso, like apples and avocado and a nice vinaigrette in my favourite salad. Like Pavlov's little puppies, someday bad SNL and Kids In The Hall videos and sitcom laugh tracks will be all that's required to give these guys a raging boner.

2. People do not know how to appropriately express their loneliness over the holidays. Seriously, kids. Nearly all my Distress Line calls over the past few days were innapropriate sex calls. I'm sure my voice is lovely, but really -- it can't be that great...

...or maybe that's why I do so many long-distance relationships. Haha. It's not commitment issues at all, it's just my sexy porn-star secretary voice!

3. My favourite gay boyfriend and I already have WAY too many plans for next year. Thank fuck that one of my presents for Mandolin Boy is a calendar -- being the indecisive and unassuming little riotgrrrl that I am, I bought two and intend to let him decide which is mine -- all that aside, thank goodness I didn't wait until mid-January to buy one (as I usually do, half-price sales being about the hottest thing EVER even though you don't always get the calendar you want and then you have to live with your cheap-ass non-decision for the whole year!) because I already have THREE weekends***** away to put on that gosh darn calendar.

*****For those of you with curiosity issues, the weekends are as follows:

i) End of April. Cirque de Soleil in Montreal. VIP tickets. SOOOO pissing myself with excitement; I have seen neither Cirque nor QB except in pictures. And my French is (almost) splendid, so I'll get to chat up all the hawt local bois and grrls, and maybe help FGB pick up as well.

ii) the Compassionate Listening Workshop in Mt. Vernon, Washington in March. Stalkers are welcome.

iii) FGB and I did a cobbing workshoplast August (we made a beautiful bench with a fireplace in it! It was awesome!) and we need to go back to Mayne Island sometime this spring and do the plastering on the bench.

Random Way-Too-Funny Holiday MSN Conversation
between me and a really hawt lifeguard/dj/student/redhead/friend

i only fuck feminists says:
in fact, the original greek word (you'll recall, mass in the catholic church was performed in greek for ages) began with an X (i can't recall the full word), so it's simply an abbreviated version of the MORE religious and classical version of the word. you learn something every day, eh?

kobb says:
well, then really, by saying X-mas (which has no connection to the Greek word to anybody except yourself & a handful of others; and which is generally agreed upon to be more secularized) you're actually more full of religious ferver, dedication and love than anyone else? in other words, Thou art a better christian than I.

ioff says:
of course, that goes without saying. i'm the best at EVERYTHING! *giggle* which is impressive, really: being the better christian, when i'm in fact a really bad buddhist with a penchant for the occasional cigarette and tuna casserole.

kobb says:
yeah. well, the dalai lama is against anal sex, so you know... bad buddhist indeed.

Now I need to get my punk ass into the shower so I can get all hooched up for the family. Damn this distracting navel-gazing!!!

Happy Non-Denominational Winter Festivities, everyone!

-mopheaded just went PC on all yer asses

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