|
2005-09-08 - 10:56 a.m. Chillin' at the Bus Stop So the ultimate question is: can a girl take a ride from some white, middle-class jock boy when he pulls up behind the Wendy's at Shaw and Cedar and offers it? Now normally, I would have said yes. There were leftovers waiting for me at home, to the best of my knowledge*, along with a beautiful boy, it was ten o'clock at night and I had a good twenty minute wait ahead of me for the bus plus a bus ride that, at that hour, inevitably involves at least one drunken senior citizen who smells of his own vomit**. And in all honesty, he looked like a nice enough, dumb enough, sincere enough little rich boy who really just wanted to "offer [me] a ride somewhere." The real trouble is that, as I was walking to the bus stop, I only passed two people. This is kind of a big thing that's taking me some time to get used to in Fresno. Night classes on campus had just let out, the parking lots were fairly crowded, but the sidewalks on campus were empty. More on that later. The two people I passed were both white males, my age or slightly younger. And in passing them, I made a point to look both of them in the eye, acknowledge them, and size them up (i.e. I could have kicked both their scrawny asses, in my little dream world at least). And the thought went shooting through my mind -- demographically, these are the guys who are most likely to assault someone from my demographic. They're not likely to steal my shit, but they are highly likely to attempt a sexual asssault. Particularly more so, it would seem, if we talked for a few blocks or they were my friends. So the stupid last thing that had actively gone through my head before I sat down at the bus stop to do some reading while I waited for the Shame Train was "White guys my age to whom I'm friendly are the most likely to sexually assault me, demographically speaking." And then this totally nice-seeming guy offered me a ride. D'oh. *In fact, there was an entire elaborate and beautiful mexican meal just coming off the stove as I walked in the door, because c-light is a marvel. **Seriously -- public transit is NOT to be taken lightly in Fresno. This is some serious slummin that you're doing everything time you step onto the Fresno Area Express. Teen mothers, people 300+ pounds, gangstas just outta jail and wishin they were Big Time enough to be going back to Compton, illegal immigrants trying to get a work visa, and the inevitable homeless alcoholics on the night bus (when there are only 2 other people on the bus anyway, and I happen to be one of them). Burning Bridges and M[a/e]n So yet another burn and this one, as always, was completly different. Camping with the Heebees added a completly different flavour, as did being there with a partner. Amazing, really. I did an unprecendented amount of healing while I was there, thanks in large part to the people surrounding me (c-light included). The food was stellar (like, pepper-crusted salmon with potato and asparagus hash and fresh salad and ice cream by the end of the week -- anyone who's been out there understands the JOY and WONDER that are fresh vegetables after a week in the desert!), the kitchen was beautiful (we had THREE FRIDGES!!! in the fucking DESERT!!!), the people amazed me. I had the opportunity to take my Reiki Level 1, to help facilitate a yoga class, and to do some really interesting hands-on energy work to heal some trauma in my first and second chakras as well as a "discovering your partner's body" workshop with a couple really amazing healers. Okay, but seriously -- the coolest part may have been missing the temple burn. Most people who have heard me talk about Burning Man have heard me babble AT LENGTH about how important the temple burn is to me each year. This year, after releasing some really interesting stuff from my chakhras, I decided to burn that stuff in the temple. So I wrote it all down on a piece of tinder and threw it into the pile of other people's pain two days before the bonfire. And then, on Sunday, five of us made a run out to the storage space to put away the carpets from camp, the temple burned early, and we missed it. Normally, this would have encited rage, anger, sorrow, frustration. I would have misdirected it at the driver, at my partner, and likely at myself for not being clear about the potential length of the drive. But it didn't. I was fine with missing it. Which blew me away, that I had managed to already let go of those things to the point that I didn't really need the ceremony of the temple burn to "really"*** let them go. ***Sorry, I know I'm mis-using the scare quotes -- deal with it. Wonderment.
While the city is laid out (in my estimation) pretty poorly, in that it's all wide and long and whatever and horrible to get around because it's made for cars and the transit system sucks, it's still pretty rad, and I'm not minding it at all. The frequent trips to San Francisco don't hurt much, either. Yeah, the only thing that really bothers me is the lack of pedestrians. I can't get used to the idea that I'm the only person in this city who walks places. Sure, some day I'll get off my ass and start biking (probably once "winter" hits, cuz right now it's WAY too warm to ride the 45 minutes to school, even first thing in the morning!), but until then, it still blows my mind that I can walk the six blocks to the bus stop and only encounter two people on the sidewalk, both of whom are only walking as far as their cars. It really makes a grrl feel conspicuous!
|