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2005-09-19 - 2:07 p.m. Tiny tiny tiny entry today, because I've got an essay outline due first thing and I'm still trying to format the bibliography for it. All I wanted to say was... Silly Personality Glitches It amazes me how difficult it is for me to show my fears or weaknesses to my intimate partners. Yeah, of course part of that has to do with having had emotionally unavailable partners, for the most part, until recently -- and the other part is probably the I'm A Counselor thing where I think I should be able to "deal" with anything on my own. But still -- mind boggling. Things to work on.
My morning e-mail meditation (yep, I'm a flake) was about savouring the start of the day, enjoying the rituals and time that you set aside for yourself. Aside from a slight pout when it got to "spend 5 minutes just cuddling with a pet or partner" (*pout*), I had to giggle at myself. I had so much trouble getting to sleep last night that I slept in WAY past the time for my diary writing and my yoga stretches. Might skip my shower and get in at least a couple sun salutations. Okay, back to my homework and my coffee. Poached eggs and toast for breakfast. There's a little orgy going on at the train yard, and the horns have been blowin' all morning. I hope the caboose got to be on top for once. --- School Schtuff I'm having some trouble figuring out how/if I'll be able to transfer to SFSU. The department doesn't accept transfer students, and I'm not entirely clear as to which of my courses from Fresno State will transfer, if any. In that light, I'm not sure that I want to waste (?) the four months that I've already spent here, and particularly, I'm not sure that I want to REDO these particular courses at another institution, even though I'm sure I could find ways to challenge myself and my learning. The basic two thoughts are: 1) Work on my Victim Services Certificate (which I was going to do, eventually, anyway) this Spring term at Fresno State. Apply to SFSUby the January 15th deadline. If I get in, repeat a few courses come September 2006, but basically be in a program at a better school, in a better city -- but having wasted 8 months of International tuition (which is not cheap at all!) This is all assuming that I won't be able to transfer my course credits, and that I'll be admitted to their program, despite having been denied admission this year when I had originally applied. OR 2) Suck it the fuck up, finish my program at Fresno, get out to SF as often as I can on the weekends and get home for Christmas and summer. Be mildly miserable, but save lots of money, and really work on my yoga practice and my self-discipline. Write lots of zines, lots of poems, miss c-light like nobody's business, maybe get a dog. Option #2 kinda licks my ovaries, but (unless my credits will transfer) I think it's the option for me to go with. Which totally, totally sucks and depresses me. Oh well. I guess it's just more motivation for me to get my Doctor in Human Sexualityinstead of (or in addition to) just the certificate from Guelph University Guelph University, if I really want to live in SF for any period of time. I love watching my anxiety rise as I wait for answers from Higher Academic Powers (re: the transfer of credits) -- or, really, when I wait to find out anything that isn't actually in my hands. I'm such a freak-out. It's beautiful. (Or maybe I should plan to be in Guelph for Summer 2006? That could also work...) My brain is on spin cycle. I need to get to the post office (to mail, among other things, my first little package of mushiness to c-light), to a fax machine to send in my application for the Restorative Justice Conference, and then to class. I need to chill the fuck out. Most importantly, I need to do some yoga when I get home from class tonight. My neck is killing me. -- mopheaded washes best on the delicate cycle
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