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2005-12-11 - 10:15 a.m. Attention Everyone! What follows is a handy form letter for you to copy+paste into your Word processor, alter as required, print up and mail off. Better yet, hand write it. Please, drop everything else you are doing and do this RIGHT NOW! Dear Grandma (Auntie/ Great-Auntie/ Mom/ Lorraine/ GodMother/ Nana/ Oma/ Etc.) I just wanted to write and say Thank You again, so very much, for that beautiful sweater you knit me last year (2/3/4/5/... years ago). I don't know if you understand how much I appreciate it. When I opened the beautifully-wrapped package, I immediately noticed how you had used 3 (4/5/6/7/...) different colours to make that amazing snowflake (dolphin/teddy bear/winter cottage/valentine's hearts/buddha/...) scene. It amazed me. That must have been SO MUCH WORK! I can't believe you would think me worthy of going to that much trouble. It is SO touching! And those couple little holes that happened where you changd colour? Those are nothing. Really. I totally understand that, with your failing eyesight (rheumatism/annoying husband/yappy dog/...) it was probably really difficult to concentrate for so many hours straight. Especially after working all day cleaning the house (at the restaurant/at the office/in the fields/at the bakery/in the law firm/in jail/...)! I'm surprised you managed to find the 40 hours to put aside to do this at all! Ordering takeout (eating burnt Shake'n'Bake/stopping at the Drive Thru/munching on peanut butter sandwiches) because you were a bit behind schedule and Christmas (Hannukah/ Kwanza/my birthday/...) was coming up so quickly! It's so easy to lose track of time! And yet you still managed to have it ready just in time for me! It's so comfy, I'm wearing it right now! I just throw on a little undershirt first, and I don't even notice the drafts from those little holes, or the scratchiness of the wool (polyester/acrylic/mystery fiber). It fits perfectly, too. I just love baggy (tight/uneven/'interesting') clothes, and it has been a while since I've visited -- how were you to know that I had lost (gained) all that weight? We should change that. How about you come over to my house this holiday season? I'll cook all your favourite foods, set the table nicely, run you a hot bath with a hot toddy after dinner, and massage your feet before bed. Because you deserve it for that sweater. It's the most beautiful piece of clothing I've ever owned, and it means SO much to me that you made it for me. Love always, < insert name > -mopheaded would rather eat glass than finish the dog sweater she started
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